This began as a conversation typed in WordPad about an idiotic customer. We type at the counter in WordPad or Notepad so that we can speak about a customer without them seeing. This may be for work - i.e. talking about cost prices or doing package deals, or, could quickly become something much more sinister as demonstrated here. We went paragraph for paragraph continuing the story throwing down the gauntlet to each other as we went. We even ended the universe a few times which is hard to continue on from. Since we have such godly main characters, the universe, more than likely, will be ended a few more times. It is still work in progress.
Story Follows:
Wanker!!!!
And how high are his socks.
And could he be stupider?
Nay, to be more stupid would cause a vacuum so great it would suck the earth, outer planets and surrounding solar systems into it leaving only a vortex of crushed planets and dust. Entire suns would be snuffed with little effort. Time would come to a stand-still and all that is would end in an instant. Even God would be dumbfounded by the sheer raw 'vacuumy' power.
Rue it would be the end, but not for his stupidity as you may think; nay, his socks are high with nefarious purpose; for underneath laid the Shins of destruction and doomsday. Why, upon revealing one of these monstrosities, an unholy choir would begin dark Gregorian chants in an ancient tongue pertaining to peanut butter, spam and blood. An orchestra of xylophones, hewn from the bones of the still born, accompanying the chants, would render a most eerie melody.
Whence the chanting and orchestral clanging climbed to its climax, the light would be drawn from the surroundings by the sheer negative force that is the Shins! Chaotically darkening surroundings are then met by claps of thunder with flashes of green and purple lightning. Illumed by the multi-coloured flashes, the small daemon creatures would be revealed, summoned to further-expose the Shins, they would begin their arduous task. For they are the only known creatures that can withstand the apocalyptic forces about to be unleashed!
Only when the darkness has become absolute and the Shins have drawn enough light to power a city for twenty years, a great and terrible cry of "any discounts?" is uttered by the beast himself. At this moment multiple phrases of unspeakable horror are uttered such as "Do you have USB?" and followed by the ultimate fear that is "Less for cash?". With this barrage of stupidity, coupled with the power of the Shins, the world and then the universe would be torn asunder and in the next split second, compressed into a perfect bright green sphere that played the jingle from a 1980s McDonalds commercial in a perpetual loop.
Alone in the dark nothingness the man wielding the power of the Shins is left, accompanied only by a small collection of multi-coloured marbles created from universes destroyed. Dully glowing in their various colours, each emitting their own foul jingles. The mad, mad man find's no comfort in their songs as he searches for another universe to inflict his incredibly stupid vacuum on while slowly being driven further into madness by the incessant jingles of his fallen foes - the compressed universes.
Soaring through the empty void in search of distant worlds to destroy he happens on vast field of stars, a whole new galaxy some how unharmed by his rampage. At the centre of the galaxy a star burns brighter than any other as if powered by a thousand discarded batteries. Unbeknown to Shins, here was the realm of the "Battery Guy", once he had been a mortal human but the pursuit of the ultimate charge had driven him beyond the constraints of mere mortals. He sat at the centre of a great field of small torches testing every battery within reach trying to find the perfect charge. Shins, while mighty and stupid, may have met there match in this bright and almost psychotically surreal place.
Gazing out upon the vast field of torches; Battery Guy saw a deep blackening approach. Great spans of his torch field were sinking into darkness. "I hear a foul voice on the air" he muttered to himself as his battery powered, pre-amplified ears detected the jingles of a thousand fast food restaurants each calling out, pleading for him to dine and buy extra side dishes you already ordered. The swirling vortex of nothingness with multi-coloured lightning and jingling doom approached at tremendous pace smothering all that it came in contact with thick, black nothingness. Battery Guy, enraged by the culling of his glowing fields realised he was up against an awesome power of negativity. Battery Guy donned a back pack filled with the batteries that provided his favourite charges and cocked his shoulder mounted battery tester, ready to take on this foe of incredible anti-matter!
As the dark being Shins landed in the field, shattering thousands of small globes, Battery Guy realised this was a foe unlike any other he had encountered before. He knew that his options where few. Focusing on the batteries strapped to him, he used his power to draw them around him in a great suit of Eveready goodness. Shins, ready for this, blasted him with jingle after jingle until the suit cracked and fell away. Battery Guy was not concerned for he was merely testing his foes resolve. He knew that if it came down to it he could always use the free tackle he got when he was unlucky in fishing in some sort of entanglement trap. Shins, confused to be told this seemingly unrelated fact at the start of a pitched battle to the death, prepared himself for combat.
Shins began concentrating, shards of broken globe, torch bodies and flayed metal battery cases started rising and swirling around him until they had formed a swirling sphere of shrapnel. Shins then closed his eyes and brought his forearms to his body crossing them on his chest and screamed in an un-earthly tone: "DISCOUNT!" A blinding flash of light emitted from Shins and a thundering BOOM was heard taking Battery Guy's vision and stunning him for a number of seconds. When Battery Guy's vision recovered and the sphere of floating shrapnel had gone. Shins stood proud and threatening holding his new toy and laughing demonically. A conjured weapon! This terrible weapon was composed of melted and forged shrapnel, bound by tortured souls from the universes that were. Shins levelled the glowing scrap weapon at Battery Guy pulling the trigger with glee.
A great and terrible fear gripped Battery Guy, for he knew that it would take more than the power of the universe to deflect such a mighty blow as was about to come at him. His only hope was that it would take at least half an hour for Shins to fire as he was in the midst of a monologue in a bizarre tongue that had never been spoken before. "LESS FOR CASH" "GIVE ME A DEAL" "LESS FOR CASH". Truly it was a vicious onslaught. This, however, was nothing compared to the stench of Shins. The smell of a million warm casks of goon wafted thought the thin atmosphere of the torch fields. In such dire straights there where few options, even fewer which were actually possible. Briefly the idea of composing a jingle to counter act all the many flying about entered the Battery Guys head. He knew he had minutes rather than the hours he would require; also lacking was a creative marketing team to assist him in workshopping ideas, a white board and a small sound stage to thresh out different version until he found one he liked. He knew there was only one option left, he reached into his battery bag and clutched.....a fish.
With a shrieking tear, Battery Guy removed the thick brown butcher's paper from the fish. A mackerel! Reeling in a combination of confusion and disgust, Shins fell backward; tripped by one of the many flat batteries strewn about the land. This was Battery Guy's chance! Casually, with the mackerel to his waist, he started loading it via the gills with batteries; the life-blood of the torch fields. Your standard mackerel will take 8 'C' sized battery rounds; Battery Guy however had a custom modified mackerel with a laser sight and scope. It was also modified to take the all-powerful and highly regarded magnum 'D' sized rounds. The modified mackerel will now carry only 4 rounds because of the increased calibre. The magnum 'D' battery round delivers enough battery-power to split a planet in half! This stopping power is the reason that the Magnum 'D' is held in such high regard among the most ancient of beings. Battery Guy began his slow, menacing walk toward Shins training his mackerel on his foe. Cowering, Shins attempts to scuttle backward along the ground. Standing over Shins, Battery Guy, while gritting his teeth sneered "I'm gunna blow your face off!"
Shins knew his number was nearly up he began to throw absolutely every twisted taunt he could think of at Battery Guy hoping to merely stall for time long enough to formulate a plan of some kind. Desperately clawing the ground for batteries, Shins began to hurl dead batteries at the now towering figure before him. The batteries where merely absorbed into the already tremendous figure. Battery Guy cocked his mackerel and fired, for one second everything was silent and still, the shards of broken glass glimmered in the light and then a great blue and white light leapt from the mackerel and hurled the force of a million non memory affect NiMH D's at Shins. The impact rocked the fabric of existence. Shins was blasted back for thousands of kilometres, screaming for a better deal the whole way.
Feeling the great tremor, an ancient being was roused into consciousness. Aeons ago across multiple periods in time there was a hero. This hero existed from when Barbarians roamed searching for the secret of steel to the darkened future where Cyborgs hunted the Humans. Such a strong being, he dedicated himself to saving the day on countless occasions, even to the point of saving humanity it's self. Not content with these petty tasks this godly being set himself aloft, drifting in space. He found a dead star, tunnelled to its centre and began to slumber until called upon again when greater things than humanity were at stake. The great tremor set about with such force that it re-ignited not only the hero but the frozen star.
Deep within the bowls of the star a force began to stir. It had been know by many names when it had walked the surface of earth but had remained sealed away until it was needed for a million years or more. It slowly began to become aware of its surroundings while awaking. A hundred thousand one liners filtered through its mind and it chose what seemed like the most fitting. Slowly the vocal cords unwound and the great Austrian/Californian accent spoke for the first time in millennia, "GET OUT-DUH!" With a great thundering Arnie was reborn to end this battle that had been started so senselessly.
Arnie, filled with a mixture of rage and curiosity started to climb from his now re-ignited star. When he surfaced he was presented by a two hundred kilometres long trail of debris ending in glowing hot crater. Unfortunately, this trail of debris included bits of his Green Cadillac. Noticing these shards by the trail, Arnie screamed with pure rage "You Idiout!" and charged toward Shins. Shins picking himself up and moments later was confronted by a very pissed off Arnie. They began to stare each other down, sizing up their foe but something caught both their attention. It was Battery Guy! He was riding a lightning bolt as if it was mere rope. He landed delicately as though weightless. The piano man stopped playing and the barman hid behind his bar. The scene was set for a round of fisticuffs of epic proportions.
Battery Guy knew of Arnie from days long past, he had seen reports of his last great adventure commonly known as "super big boom crush your skull for I am Arnie 4, the musical". This harrowing tale of woe had seen Arnie take on the entire evil planet Doom Boom Crush, which had been taken over by space Nazis from the future. Finally after destroying all of their forces except for the evil Kernel Red Hat and his chief henchman Ultra Klink Beta. They had sadly escaped in a waiting Hydrofiol*. Knowing that the most important aspect of the Hydrofiol was that it could operate in Portuguese should the need arise. Arnie decided to seal himself in the centre of the star until he was needed.
Shins threw down the gauntlet. "Drew them on for have!!" His attempt at a blistering and scathing insult had come out garbled. Arnie, thinking through what he had just heard a number of times, looked a little confused. Shins retorted with a mighty "Hah!" desperately trying to recover. Arnie, caught further off guard, succumbed to the first barrage of punches that Shins threw. Arnie fell backward then stood, took two steps and uppercutted Shins with immeasurable rage. Shins' head was thrown back as he copped it under the chin with such force that he left the ground. Shins was thrown backward a number of metres where he landed, crashing to the ground. The ground quaked and cracked underneath him. Shins gasped, only just holding on to consciousness.
Battery Guy saw his chance and leapt at shins as he lay prone on the ground. His mackerel let loose a barrage of batteries which punched a hole through the sound barrier and hit shins in the chest. Shins screamed in pain, "It's an imaginary keyboard! I can do what I want!", and then shins fell silent. Battery Guy held his mackerel high and shouted "charge". The universe was safe for battery lovers everywhere. But not for Battery Guy himself who had angered Arnie with his antics.
Arnie initiated his interrogation routine - a routine he had called upon many times in the past. "I am going to ask you a number of questions and I want them answered immediately". "What are you doing? Zis is my star and noow it iss on fier! What are you doing! Noooo! You have re-ignited it vhyiiii?" Battery Guy, taken aback, attempted a coherent answer. "Teh shinz is teh gr34t darkn3ss". "I h4d t0 fight h1m...". "For t3h win of te][ galaxies and r34l1tyz of j0r everywhere". Arnie, never before hearing l33t spoken aloud returned fire. "Vat are you speaking?! You idioot!", "I vill not accept this garbage!" Battery Guy, offended by Arnie's "Ignorance", threw down the gauntlet... "S1r you will not s01L teh l33t" raising his mackerel to his waist ready to fire and pulled the trigger. Arnie, pre-empting this, had already set about diving to the right and landing in a commando roll, a move that had obviously been rehearsed for just such an occasion. The spray of battery missed him completely.
Battery Guy fired volley after volley of highly charged batteries at Arnie who continued to commando roll. Finally Arnie rolled into a small cottage, which, for some reason, happened to be parked in the area. Battery Guy advanced toward the house whilst reloading the mackerel. "St00pid n00b", shouted Battery Guy as he advanced up to the front door. As he reached for the door knob Arnie kicked the door open screamed "Get to da Choppa", and ran full force at Battery Guy. Battery Guy was totally unprepared for this suicide assault and promptly fell flat on his arse in shock. Arnie kicked him in the head and leapt into a nearby tree. Battery Guy fired after him but was only able to hit one of Arnie's stunt men, Dwayne Vort, who happened to be sitting at a nearby beatnik cafe smoking, and composing his latest epic, "Bang Bang Diddly".
Shoving rubble and pieces of roofing aside the Beatnik owner looked at Battery Guy and said "Who's gunna pay for all this?". Battery Guy then indicated at Arnie and said "He is, he's the one that started all this!" Arnie then shouted at shins "You are a schoolgirl compared to me!" in a streak of "randomness for no particular reason". Quietly Shins hauled himself to his feet and crept toward Arnie failing his DEX + Stealth roll by only 1, he almost made it to Arnie. Arnie however, did not fail his Perception + Awareness roll hearing Shins attempting to sneak up on him. Arnie screamed in desperation at Battery Guy - "Give meee da weapon!" Battery Guy, weighing things up for a moment, decided to assist the greater good tossing the Mackerel to Arnie. Arnie cocked the Mackerel in a fluid motion, having used this type of mackerel before and cut loose with an automatic volley of batteries mowing down Shins for the second time. Once the smoke had cleared, Battery Guy and Arnie crept cautiously up to the fallen figure of Shins. Arnie seeing Shins chest cavity contents were missing deduced that was obviously dead, he then felt the need to make a speech and turned to Battery Guy. "I feeel I haf made ze mestake, I see now my follies in aaatacking yoo Battery Guy, perhaps now ve can become friends and you can move into my star, it is very lonely being ze only godly hero in ze cosmos" to which Battery Guy replied "OMFG teh win!"
The celebrations of the defeat of shins went on for many hours at the beatnik bar after mopping up the remains of Dwayne. Arnie and Battery Guy drank passion pop and goon till the wee hours of the morning. Finally in a drunken haze Battery Guy declared that he felt bad for wrecking Arnie's green Cadillac and would buy him a new one. After much discussion a plan was drawn up to go to the planet Caddillacia where all of the universes Cadillacs are forged in crimson rivers, or green ones if the car happens to be that colour. The trip began in earnest before the cheap booze could wear off.
Arnie happened to have a ship shaped like a used teabag which he had arrived on the sun all those centuries ago which they set off in. They where scarcely a hundred light years away when disaster struck. It seemed that shins or some other unknown party had left an unpleasant surprise for our two intrepid adventures. "Somebody set us up the bomb" Battery Guy quietly uttered in fearful surprise while beholding the monstrosity. It seemed there was a large stack of dirty socks strapped to several tons of TNT in the hold and an Orion TV/VCR Combo with the words, press play, scrawled in blood on the monitor.
Arnie and Battery Guy set about looking for the remote. It seems this cold war Orion Combo unit was completely useless without the remote. "Perhaps it's behind the lounge" uttered Battery Guy looking over his shoulder at Arnie as he searched. Arnie, seeing the opportunity presented said "I hav an idea!" and promptly turned and opened a large trunk by his side marked with various danger symbols - Arnie donned a very heavy pair of gloves made from a compound consisting of Titanium, Asbestos, Rubber and Lead with Leather buckles and gold trim. He then reached into the box and pulled out his Flammable, Biohazardous, Electrocution Serving, Explosive, Nuclear X-Ray machine. This "hand held" device could not possibly be used by any normal human, only someone of Arnie's stature could possibly wield this dangerous, yet, incredibly useful device. Arnie trained the device on the lounge and put a sequence of numbers into its glowing keypad. The ship began to shudder and lights began to flicker intermittently under the massive strain the device was putting on the ship's Tachyon based Banana Generator.
The X-Ray device began glowing, arcs of electricity sizzled over its surfaces, blood began to drip from the bottom of the device and the top caught fire. After about a minute of what could only be called "processing", the device then emitted a single low pitched beep and powered down. When Battery Guy emerged from where he was sheltering, he looked in awe at the now transparent lounge. Unfortunately, the remote wasn't hidden down the back of the lounge. "Oh, I am idiot!, ze remote is here on the coffee table!", Arnie threw the device back in the trunk and slammed it's lid. It seems that the device actually made objects permanently transparent through the use of a combination of voodoo, green carpet weaving patterns and advanced quantum theory.
Pressing the "on" button on the remote the Orion promptly started to smoke and spew bubbles from somewhere inside the casing. Finally after much struggle and a few well placed kicks the screen lit up and displayed the image of non other than Shins. "You have got the better deal, and less for cash, but all your base are belong to us!" The Orion then rose up on its chromed telescopic death legs and began to advance on Arnie and Battery Guy. Arnie swung a mighty punch at the screen which should have shattered it as it had a thousand Robots, Demons and Small Asteroids; instead, a blinding light flashed up and Arnie was pushed back, as he often seemed to when he got in fights lately. The Orion screamed a demonic scream and then rather anticlimactically turned into a small alarm clock with its read out counting down rapidly from one hundred seconds.
Arnie and Battery Guy attempted to defuse the bomb, but then, shooting a bomb at point blank range with a sawn off shotgun doesn't really count much towards defusing. The explosion ripped through the ship damaging it beyond repair and leaving Arnie and Battery Guy floating in space. Fortunately, being Godlike beings of almost unimaginable power has perks such as being impervious to the ravages of spaces unforgiving vacuum. They still, however, lacked any means of propulsion and where left drifting with nothing but a small inflatable dingy which Arnie insisted had teleportation powers, a blue esky which was missing its lid, a set of children's beach sand toys and a number of pieces of charred wreckage. Arnie reassured Battery Guy that the dingy only lacked a palm tree and a bucket of sand in order to work. A dried out stinky crab claw would also make things work.
Arnie had fashioned a device to collect small comets and space dust using his esky and some banned plastic six pack plastic wrappers that drifted by, this hung out behind the dingy on some frayed and burnt wire removed from parts of charred wreckage. A number of millennia later Battery Guy was looking a little dim with lack of charge. Arnie, after performing his regular Esky Content check spoke the words that Battery Guy waiting so long for: "Finally ve have collected enough dust to use ze teleporter! I have also manufactured a makeshift palm tree out of ze wreckage of ze lost Voyager III probe from earth which we ran into a number of years ago." Arnie scraped the collection of small comets and dust from the bottom of the esky into a yellow plastic bucket using his green plastic spade, forcing it through his orange bucket sieve. Arnie placed the plastic bucket into the bucket fuel receptacle of the makeshift palm tree and pulled on one of the more lever looking palm fronds. The teleporter began to whir.
The teleporter while an amazing piece of backyard science was far from perfect. Arnie and Battery Guy found themselves temporarily trapped in the fabric of the universe for a few minutes as Arnie attempted to recalibrate the palm tree to home in on more precise coordinates. The fabric of the universe was an odd place where up was down, left was right, and for some reason you could always get a cup of tea in less than two minutes. With a bit of delicate fine tuning and a lot of heavy bashing Arnie was able to get the device up and running again and our intrepid heroes where once again on their way. However, all did not go according to plan as our heroes were forced to take a few more detours involving alternate realities along the way.
Caddillacia is an amazing sector of the Luxury Car quadrant. It is between the two other more popular car manufacturing quadrants called the "Cheap Jap Import Quadrant" and the quadrant almost entirely supported by sales in Australia called "Holden Commodore Manufacturing Quadrant". Battery Guy, dazzled and entranced by the rounded shapes and shininess of plastic chrome began to steer into the Cheap Jap Import Quadrant looking to buy Arnie a KIA instead. Arnie, while Battery Guy piloted urged Battery Guy to steer clear of the Cheap Jap Import Quadrant as their product looked really shiny but they broke easily and were impossible to get parts for. Realising his folly, Battery Guy headed back to Luxury Car space. During the long journey together, Arnie taught Battery Guy to fly the dingy. With his hundreds of years of practice showing, Battery Guy brought down the dingy into one of the more "budget" Cadillac dealerships. He guided the dingy down and landed with a smooth whoosh and soft landing. This dealership was situated on the edge of town near the DosBox Banditos territory. It was worth the risk of being attacked by the ruthless Banditos for the low, low prices they were offering to copse customers to purchase there.
An African American salesperson came out to greet them when they landed. He was a very large, well built man with enough Jewellery to satisfy Paris Hilton for the rest of her life. Gold everywhere, in terms of weight, he was wearing about 50kg of gold chains around his neck. He approached and questioned "What type of Cadillac do you fools want?". Arnie, not used to this sort of lingo retorted. "Vy are you callingg me fool, you have no idea who I am, yoo idiouut!". Recognising this salesperson immediately, Battery Guy set about calming down Arnie. "n00b, this is Mr. T! How could you not recognise him. He runs with the A Team for the win!". Mr. T, seeing that the dispute would come to a peaceful resolve said "Right fools, I'm Mr. T, who are you?". "I am Battery Guy, seeker of Charge, this here is Arnie the… big."
Mr. T looking genuinely concerned and getting comfortable, put one foot up on the bumper of a nearby Cadillac and started his typical and mandatory spiel: "We are trapped here in this dealership; trapped like damn fools. Those Banditos have been raiding my properties and stealing my Cadillacs. Now me and the A Team, we'd go whoop their ass, but now that we're all retired, we aren't the formidable force that we once were. I'm s'posed to be retired, I'm losing money left and right and I'm barely making enough money to make ends meet. Now I honour the fool that saves my dealership from those Banditos, hell, I'd give them one GM products from all of the Luxury car range. Now these Bandito dudes are lead by a fool called Lucky, Lucky I have DosBox. He's this fool that thinks he knows his shit about computers, hell, my momma knows more about computers than that fool! He rolls up to my dealership and he's all like: I'm taking this Cadillac and then he pulls out this cardboard box with DOS written on it. He screams out "Lucky I have DOSBox", tosses it at my feet and I pass out. That's spooky fool." Taken aback and somehow inspired, Battery Guy commits himself and Arnie, taking the quest. Arnie, also inspired begins to assure Mr. T. "Mr. T, ve are honoured to do zis for yoo. I am sorry about my behaviour. You must discover your own strength again; you could be massive and godlike like me. Ve vill get rid of zees Banditos."
So the after a few hours of growing accustomed to the surroundings of the dealership and noting places where fortifications could be improved battery guy and Arnie drew up a plan of defence and attack. The plans they had drawn up involved sentry guns, four hundred kilos of dynamite, an army of enraged wildebeests and two paper bags of nondescript size. Battery guy first took all the batteries from all the cars in the dealership and gathered them in the one place and Arnie drank all of the petrol from their tanks. Mr T Somewhat "dismayed" by the rather low key attempts at defence questioned them at length in a most tense exchange. "You fools don’t know what you doin’!" "First you come in here and give me some jibber jabber about how amazing you are even though you ain’t got no gold guns or sense and then show me this big plan you have and then totally disregard yo own plan and start drinking my gas and stealin’ my batteries". T shook his head they had power these two but they didn’t understand what kind of Banditos they where up against.
The sun was beginning to set in Caddillacia, throwing long shadows across the dealership. Fortifications in place, petrol consumed and batteries piled up - they had survived the day. According to Mr. T’s observations, it was a feat in it’s self for these two "super beings" to survive the carnage, even though no fight ensued. Arnie, on-edge and overconfident from his petrol pumping decided that he’d begin scouting the area. "I am going to scowt ze immediate area for Banditos, they could be hiding anyvere!" Battery guy, subdued and clinging to his pile of car batteries like a cat hoarding fluffy toys. He appeared totally un-phased about Arnie’s suicide mission. Eyes glazed over and glowing electric blue, it was obvious that something was amiss with battery guy, this had of course gone unnoticed by the gassed-up Arnie. Night had finally fallen and Arnie began painting himself like a zebra using his Dulux Urban Cammo Kit or D.U.C.K as the elite had coined it. So elite was this piece of kit that you need a belt sander to remove it. Arnie, seeing the lack of light in the Dealership began checking on Battery Guy. "Battery Guy, have you set up ze flood lights we discussed so ve can see ze Banditos approaching? Zis is wery tactically important!" Battery Guy just scowled. Somehow sobered up by the DUCK fumes, it was obvious now to Arnie that something was wrong with Battery Guy. Arnie continued looking at Battery Guy awaiting his answer. There was an awkward silence. Arnie opened his mouth, about to speak when something moved in the shadows, quickly Battery Guy snapped out his trance powering up a flood light and pointing it into the night. A tumble weed! It seems it was out of cue with the awkward silence scene. Disappointed, Battery Guy powered down the spot light and scowled again "FINE!" Climbing to the top of his pile he concentrated for a second. He smiled and tapped his heels together three times. Five lightning bolts leapt in different directions to somewhere near outskirts of the dealership, a number of small explosions followed as the small amounts of petrol remaining in the tanks exploded, clearly these bolts were aimed at cars. The entire dealership was now draped in a flickering orange light permeating from the outskirts. The lights in the dealership office came on and the door exploded open nearly torn from it’s hinges. "Has the fight started? What! What the hell are you fools destroying now?" Battery Guy turned to Arnie and growled "There’s your light!" Mr T looking a little confused walked over to Arnie. "Why do you two have to destroy everything? Hell, the Banditos would do less damage!" Arnie looked over at Battery Guy realising what had happened he lent in and began quietly telling Mr T his theory. "I read once in ‘Mega Being’ that battery dependant beings are of two polarities, Acid and Alkaline! Ze car batteries are Acid batteries; he has been consumed by DARK POWER! Ve must do something before he incinerates the area within a 2 kilometre radius. He is coming down; he has used up all his Acid batteries! This could be disastrous!"
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Should make for a fun and entertaining work environment. I'm going to miss my old full timer though, he's a champion. Very funny too. Ah well. He's going to "a better place" where pay is abundant and hours are slightly fewer. FSKING JB HIFI! Grrrrrrrrrrrr...
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